| You Should Learn Japanese |
 You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture. From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko! |
Friday, August 25, 2006
And I Totally Will!!
Sure I Was *sarcasm -- gotta love it*
| All American Kid |
 Popular but not plastic. Athletic but not a jock. Smart but not a brain. You were well rounded and well liked in high school. |
I Guess This Is A Dosha
| Your Dosha is Pitta |
 You have a quick mind, a gift for persuasion, and a sharp sense of humor. You have both the drive and people skills to be a very successful leader. Argumentative and a bit stubborn, you have been known to be a little too set in your ways. But while you may be biased toward your own point of view, you are always honest, fair, and ethical. With friends: You are outgoing and open to anyone who might want to talk to you In love: You are picky but passionate To achieve more balance: Be less judgmental of those around you, and take cool walks in the moonlight. |
I Know That You Like My Style!!
| You Should Drive a Ford Shelby Mustang Cobra |
 You have an extreme need for speed, even when you're not in a hurry. And while your flying by, you don't want to look like every other car on the road! |
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I Still Kind Of Like The Old School '65 Version Better Though
Must Visit The Land Of The Incas
| You Should Visit Peru |
 Peru is ideal for your "off the beaten path" traveling style. Head out to an ancient Incan city, visit a volcano, and don't forget to pet a llama. |
But I'm A Yankees Fan
| You Are Boston |
 Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots. Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best. And quite frankly, you think you are the best. Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O'Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block |
Halloween Horoscope
| Halloween Horoscope for Leo |
You simply have to have the most unique, elaborate, and amazing costume. You tend to hop from party to event, making sure everyone checks you out. Costume suggestions: A geisha, samurai, fairy, or pirate Signature Halloween candy: Skittles |
Purple Mood Ring -- Orange Mood Ring
| Your Mood Ring is Purple |
 Clear mind Purpose is known |
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| Your Mood Ring is Orange |
 Daring Full of desires |
Back to the Future or 1974 Rather
| You Belong in 1974 |
If you scored... 1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in! 1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too. 1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all! 1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day. 1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good! |
What Do You Think Of My Face?
| What Your Face Says |
 At first glance, people see you as down to earth and reliable. Overall, your true self is reserved and logical. With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react. In love, you seem mysterious and interesting. In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic. |
Well I Am A 90s Kid After All
| Your Taste in Music: |
 90's Pop: Highest Influence 90's R&B: Highest Influence Hip Hop: Highest Influence 80's R&B: High Influence 90's Hip Hop: High Influence |
Me vs Hugh Jackman -- Who Makes the Better Wolverine
| You Are Wolverine |
 Small but fierce, you're a great fighter. Watch out! You are often you're own greatest enemy. Powers: Adamantium claws, keen senses, the ability to heal quickly |
My Other Summer '06 Anthem
| Your 2006 Summer Anthem Is |
 Promiscuous by Nelly Furtado "I'm only trying to get inside your brain To see if you can work me the way you say It's okay, it's alright I got something that you might like" |
My Japanese Subculture
| You Are a Sarariiman! |
 Or "salaryman." Whatever. Treadmill off, treadmill on. Most of the sleep you get is on Tokyo's extensive subway system, since you are putting in 14 hour days. You're a workaholic who works hard for no overtime. And vacations? Forget about it. You spend most of your trip hunting around for gifts to bring back all of your coworkers. |
My '06 Summer Anthem
| Your 2006 Summer Anthem Is |
 Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield "No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins" |
Imagine Me In The Real OC
| Orange County |
 You're rich, pretty, and living a charmed life. (Or you seriously wish you were.) From Disneyland to Laguna Beach, you're all about living the California dream life. Just make sure to marry rich - so you don't have to work for it! |
LA Here I Come
| You Belong in Los Angeles |
 Whether you'll admit it or not, a huge part of you likes being in the spotlight. And you may just have enough star quality to make it big in LA! Even if you don't become famous, you still belong in a place where you can get a year round tan. |
San Diego, Here I Come
| You Belong in San Diego |
 Laid back and friendly, you were meant to live most of your life on the beach. You usually think everything is "all good"... except when the weather dips under 60F. You stay classy - especially when you're in Tijuana! |
44% Not Too Bad
| You've Changed 44% in 10 Years |
 You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person. You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you. |
What Kind of English Do I Speak?
| Your Linguistic Profile: |
| 45% General American English |
| 35% Yankee |
| 15% Dixie |
| 0% Midwestern |
| 0% Upper Midwestern |
Me Not A Lady?!? F*** You
| You Are 36% Lady |
 You tend to make up your rules of etiquette, throwing all conventions aside. And while you try to be a lady (sometimes), your behavior is often quite shocking. |
My Portrait by My Favorite Artist
| Who Should Paint You: Andy Warhol |
 You've got an interested edge that would be reflected in any portrait You don't need any fancy paint techniques to stand out from the crowd! |
World View
| Your World View |
You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others. You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances. You are essentially a content person. Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior. You are moral by your own standards. You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion. |
My Candy Heart
| Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss" |
 You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you Your flirting style: friendly and sweet What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive |
Ice Cream Flavor
| You Are Chocolate Chip Ice Cream |
 You are kind, popular, and generous. You tend to be successful at anything you try. A social butterfly, you are great at entertaining a crowd. You are most compatible with strawberry ice cream. |
In Case the Publicist Thing Doesn't Work Out
| Your Stripper Song Is |
 Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard "Love is like a bomb, baby, c'mon get it on Livin' like a lover with a radar phone Lookin' like a tramp, like a video vamp Demolition woman, can I be your man?" Break out the baby oil, you rock it old school. |
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
I ♥ Tommy
Which Mighty Morphin Power Ranger are you?
White Ranger
You are the White Ranger, you are Tommy. Your weapon is the Saba. You are the tiger and the falcon.
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
Back to Basics & Back on Top
Christina's Number One! Christina's Number One!
Christina Aguilera released her throwback with a modern twist effort, Back to Basics August 15th, and as of today it is number one on the charts making this former Dirrty girl the first female to debut at number one this year!
The album's on fire - go get it now!!
----
Will Paris' "fans" be burning to get her album and knock Christina out of the top spot her second week in the charts? Stay tuned.
Christina Aguilera released her throwback with a modern twist effort, Back to Basics August 15th, and as of today it is number one on the charts making this former Dirrty girl the first female to debut at number one this year!
The album's on fire - go get it now!!
----
Will Paris' "fans" be burning to get her album and knock Christina out of the top spot her second week in the charts? Stay tuned.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Hot Hollywood
Samaire Armstrong
AGE 25
HOMETOWN Sedona, Ariz.
BREAKOUT ROLE Seth Cohen's on-and-off gal pal Anna Stern on Fox's The O.C.
MADE FOR MTV A music-video vet, Samaire appeared in Hanson's 'Penny and Me' and Daniel Powter's 'Bad Day' clips. 'I'm not sick of [the song],' she says of the latter, often played during American Idol's results shows. 'It was the coolest thing to see it go from an underground hit in Europe to all over the United States!'
NEXT UP She'll star in It's a Boy Girl Thing (early 2007), a Freaky Friday-like flick about two enemies'Nell, the town nerd (Samaire), and Woody, the school jock (Kevin Zegers)'who switch bodies.
Channing Tatum
AGE 26
HOMETOWN Cullman, Ala.
BREAKOUT ROLE Duke, the dopey but sweet soccer jock in She's the Man
MODEL BEHAVIOR The former mannequin admits he had his own 'Blue Steel' look, just like Ben Stiller in 2001's Zoolander. 'So many funny things happen when you're at a photo shoot,' he says. 'The photographer will [say], 'Be a horse, frolic in the hay!' or '[You're] a young horse, a fawn.'' You're like, 'What the hell?' But I guess it's training for acting.'
NEXT UP He'll show off his dance moves as a good-hearted juvenile delinquent sentenced to do community service at a performing-arts school in Step Up (think: the 2006 version of Save the Last Dance). Then he'll play a U.S. soldier in Iraq in the 2007 drama Stop-Loss, with Ryan Phillippe.
Monday, August 21, 2006
K Fed's Debut
NEW YORK - Kevin Federline's TV debut as a rapper is getting derided as a not-ready-for-prime-time disaster by critics in cyberspace and the hip-hop community.
On Sunday, Federline - also known has K-Fed and Mr. Britney Spears - performed his new single "Lose Control" to the peppy crowd at the eighth annual Teen Choice Awards, which aired on Fox. Introduced by his wife, who was dressed in a clevage-baring mini-dress despite her late pregnancy, Federline stalked about the stage with attitude as he rapped about his bling, popping Cristal (obviously oblivious of the whole hip-hop Cristal boycott) and his amazing rhyming skills.
"Don't hate because I'm a superstar! And I'm married to a superstar! Nothin' come between us no matter who you are!" he declared, as dancers pop-locked as his side.
It was the most anticipated performance of the night - and the most ridiculed. By morning, videos of it were splashed on Web sites like YouTube.com and various blogs, accompanied by catty comments mocking both Federline and his wife.
"I couldn't even sit through that K-Fed performance even for the so-bad-it's-hilarious factor. It's just bad," wrote a Gawker.com reader. More blunt was feedback by YouTube users kimsue9035 ("IT WAS AWFUL!!!! GAG ME") and heartleigh ("Um, the backup dancer had more talent").
If the Web world isn't exactly accepting of Federline's rap-star ambitions, the hip-hop community is even less so.
Elliot Wilson, editor in chief of XXL magazine, hadn't seen Federline's TV debut. Still, he called it a "YouTube disaster" - something to be laughed off in hip-hop circles.
"I just think we ignore him," Wilson told The Associated Press on Monday. "He's a joke, basically. ... I just don't think he gets it. He doesn't get that he's Britney's man and it's hard to take him seriously."
Jermaine Hall, executive editor of King magazine, echoes that sentiment.
"The thing that really hurts him is the fact that he's perceived as Britney's husband," Hall, who had yet to see the performance, told the AP. "You know, kinda like Britney's second - I don't even want to say second in command, but - he's like the Britney Boy. He's like Mrs. Spears, and it's kinda hard to get over that perception."
Federline is expected to release his debut hip-hop album "Playing With Fire" in October. Hall said that despite the barbs K-Fed is getting, he still has a shot at success.
"All you can do, is really just keep on plugging," Hall said. "He's definitely going to have a teenage female fan base. So, you know, make songs that cater to them. Keep it clubby, keep it hoppy, keep it happy."
Who's the Real Paris Hilton?
Paris Hilton said in a recent interview with Blender Magazine that she only uses her baby voice and when she goes out because she's always playing a character and doesn't want to show the public the real Paris Hilton. She went on to say that the only thing she has that's still private is who she really is.
Now as part of the public, should I be saying "Aww, poor Paris" or "Who cares Paris. Like your life is that hard."
----
My Mum says that Paris is a "phony" ;-)
Federline Raps, and He's Not Half Bad
UNIVERSAL CITY, Calif. - He danced, he clutched his bling, but could he rap? Apparently the answer is yes. Britney Spears' hubby Kevin Federline capped off the eighth annual Teen Choice Awards on Sunday with an enthusiastic version of his single "Lose Control" - his first time performing on network television.
It wasn't genius, but it wasn't half bad either.
The bigger surprise, however, came in the form of pregnant presenter Spears, who wore a cleavage-baring dress, and introduced her "man" onstage with a shout and a giggle.
"This show has been very good to me and my career over the years. And I'm hoping that it will be as good to our next performer," she said.
In a loose white shirt and white hat, Federline prowled and jumped around the stage, surrounded by young dancers.
"I ain't here to brag," he rapped in a tough-guy style.
"American Idol" judge Paula Abdul, when asked before the show what advice she would give the 28-year-old singer and rapper, didn't hesitate.
"Do what you gotta do and have fun," she said.
Federline, who married Spears in 2004, is expected to release his debut hip-hop album "Playing With Fire" in August. The tabloid-popular couple have an infant son, Sean Preston, and they are expecting their second child.
With celebrities sweating in the late summer heat, the show's mood was light, and clothing sparse.
Hosts Jessica Simpson and comedian Dane Cook jump-started the broadcast, aired live on Fox from the Gibson Amphitheater in Universal City, with riffs on nominees including "Pirates of the Caribbean."
Votes were cast by fans on various online sites for the hottest celebrities in television, music, fashion, sports and film.
Reese Witherspoon, who won best actress in a drama for her role in "Walk the Line," said backstage that her surfboard-shaped green and yellow award was going to her daughter.
"I love the younger fans," said Witherspoon, who spent the summer hanging out with her kids.
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, who won for best movie liplock for their long smooch in "The Lake House," joked backstage about their first respective kisses.
"I started out young. I was making out at 9 years old like a bandit," said Bullock, who added that she "didn't like being a teenager at all."
Girlish screams welcomed the handsome duo of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, who each snagged an award for their swashbuckling parts in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest," which picked up seven honors.
Even potentially uncomfortable moments were smudged with humor.
"I just want to start off by saying, awkward, a little bit," said Nick Lachey, who won choice love song for "What's Left of Me," his top-selling number recreating his publicized breakup with Simpson.
Performers other than Federline included breakout female musician winner Rihanna and V Cast Music winner Nelly Furtado, who donned snug-fitting jeans and a spangly black top to sing her hit song "Promiscuous" with producer Timbaland.
"If you truly want to be hot, be yourself," said choice hottie winner Jessica Alba.
It wasn't genius, but it wasn't half bad either.
The bigger surprise, however, came in the form of pregnant presenter Spears, who wore a cleavage-baring dress, and introduced her "man" onstage with a shout and a giggle.
"This show has been very good to me and my career over the years. And I'm hoping that it will be as good to our next performer," she said.
In a loose white shirt and white hat, Federline prowled and jumped around the stage, surrounded by young dancers.
"I ain't here to brag," he rapped in a tough-guy style.
"American Idol" judge Paula Abdul, when asked before the show what advice she would give the 28-year-old singer and rapper, didn't hesitate.
"Do what you gotta do and have fun," she said.
Federline, who married Spears in 2004, is expected to release his debut hip-hop album "Playing With Fire" in August. The tabloid-popular couple have an infant son, Sean Preston, and they are expecting their second child.
With celebrities sweating in the late summer heat, the show's mood was light, and clothing sparse.
Hosts Jessica Simpson and comedian Dane Cook jump-started the broadcast, aired live on Fox from the Gibson Amphitheater in Universal City, with riffs on nominees including "Pirates of the Caribbean."
Votes were cast by fans on various online sites for the hottest celebrities in television, music, fashion, sports and film.
Reese Witherspoon, who won best actress in a drama for her role in "Walk the Line," said backstage that her surfboard-shaped green and yellow award was going to her daughter.
"I love the younger fans," said Witherspoon, who spent the summer hanging out with her kids.
Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock, who won for best movie liplock for their long smooch in "The Lake House," joked backstage about their first respective kisses.
"I started out young. I was making out at 9 years old like a bandit," said Bullock, who added that she "didn't like being a teenager at all."
Girlish screams welcomed the handsome duo of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp, who each snagged an award for their swashbuckling parts in "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest," which picked up seven honors.
Even potentially uncomfortable moments were smudged with humor.
"I just want to start off by saying, awkward, a little bit," said Nick Lachey, who won choice love song for "What's Left of Me," his top-selling number recreating his publicized breakup with Simpson.
Performers other than Federline included breakout female musician winner Rihanna and V Cast Music winner Nelly Furtado, who donned snug-fitting jeans and a spangly black top to sing her hit song "Promiscuous" with producer Timbaland.
"If you truly want to be hot, be yourself," said choice hottie winner Jessica Alba.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
I'm Lauren!
Which Character From The Hills Are You?
Lauren
You're dedicated to the job, but you definitely make mistakes along the way. You do your best to put in the effort to correct them. Fashion is your life, and dressing up to go out and have a good time is part of what makes you happy. Sometimes you wear your emotions on your sleeve, but through it all, you do your best to smile!! You're a star!!
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
Saturday, August 19, 2006
I'm Most Like Naomi Watts!
Whether she's fighting off giant apes or evil forces, Naomi Watts always comes across as one tough cookie. You, too, are a strong and determined leading lady, with a quiet intensity that others are likely to find both alluring and magnetic.
Cool and deep, you've earned a reputation for being a class act. Those who take the time to get to know the real you will admire both your focus and fierce loyalty. Keep it up! With your combination of grace and inner strength, you can star in any role you choose.
Seattle?
You don't need to be a coffee lover or plaid-shirted rock star to feel at home in Seattle. Friendly and laidback, you have a mellow attitude and an appreciation for the outdoors — just like your signature city.
You're a lively soul who likes to enjoy life outdoors — whether that means going for a hike, biking around the neighborhood, or hanging out in a park with your pals. Your casual and relaxed style not only reflects your attitude, it's also practical for your active lifestyle. So grab your walking shoes and get a taste of your city's beautiful scenery and fresh air. Soak it up!
You're a lively soul who likes to enjoy life outdoors — whether that means going for a hike, biking around the neighborhood, or hanging out in a park with your pals. Your casual and relaxed style not only reflects your attitude, it's also practical for your active lifestyle. So grab your walking shoes and get a taste of your city's beautiful scenery and fresh air. Soak it up!
I'm a Sassy Siren!
Like the beautiful sea mermaids who've swum before you, Siren, you certainly have a way of drawing people in. Whether wooing a crush with your alluring voice or impressing someone with your unique take on the world, you're sure to captivate more than your share of audiences.
It must be the balance between your glittering personality and your individual style that keeps friends and family enamored by your presence. From being able to predict next season's "it" color to pairing leopard print with plaid before it hits the pages of Vogue, people see you as a fashion goddess. You may not want to admit it, but you're part trendsetter and people look to you for direction.
Of course, you know there's more to life than shopping for the latest adorable accessory. You pursue success in all aspects of life — from offering creative insights at work to running marathons. You have big dreams, Siren, and by keeping them in sharp focus, you're sure to come out a winner.
Hello, I'm Mellow
Like vanilla ice cream or fresh bread, you're an easygoing and friendly person who's a staple to have around — always enjoyable at any time. With your relaxed attitude, you're both reasurring and refreshing, and this makes people around you feel at ease.
While others may be fiery and hot-tempered, you always find a way to keep calm, cool, and collected. Your laidback and low-key attitude is what flavors everything you do — from spending a day at the beach to hosting a backyard BBQ to watching movies at home. No matter what you're up to, it's sure to be fun and have a feel-good vibe. Cool!
My Back-to-School Style
Funky 'n' Fabulous --> Just Like Me!!
Hey, wild child. One thing's for sure — you've got a mind of your own, and you enjoy expressing yourself through your clothes and style. Whether you like sifting through vintage wear for a one-of-a-kind broach or mixing army boots with baby-doll dresses, your quirky look always lets people know that you're a free thinker who's happy to take a stand.
With your offbeat ways and love of the unbeaten path, you're sure to start a new trend or two this school year. And you can certainly bet that others will follow in your fashionable footsteps. Just don't be surprised if you've already moved on to a fun, new look when they finally catch on.
Hey, wild child. One thing's for sure — you've got a mind of your own, and you enjoy expressing yourself through your clothes and style. Whether you like sifting through vintage wear for a one-of-a-kind broach or mixing army boots with baby-doll dresses, your quirky look always lets people know that you're a free thinker who's happy to take a stand.
With your offbeat ways and love of the unbeaten path, you're sure to start a new trend or two this school year. And you can certainly bet that others will follow in your fashionable footsteps. Just don't be surprised if you've already moved on to a fun, new look when they finally catch on.
My Strongest Sense
STYLE OF COURSE
Flair, panache, or simply good taste. Whatever you call it, you possess an eye for detail and a knack for making it all come together flawlessly. Whether it's knowing what side dish to pair with grilled salmon or which shoes go best with your favorite little black dress, your sixth sense is one of pure style.
Somehow you manage to balance classic elegance with the current trends and do it with ease. When it comes to making decisions, your instincts will guide you in a direction that's sure to look good and make a great impression. Keep it up!
Flair, panache, or simply good taste. Whatever you call it, you possess an eye for detail and a knack for making it all come together flawlessly. Whether it's knowing what side dish to pair with grilled salmon or which shoes go best with your favorite little black dress, your sixth sense is one of pure style.
Somehow you manage to balance classic elegance with the current trends and do it with ease. When it comes to making decisions, your instincts will guide you in a direction that's sure to look good and make a great impression. Keep it up!
The Freud Test
Freud would say my personality is most affected by events that happened when I was between a year and a half and three years old.
Relative to others, your personality today is moderately affected by the events of your childhood. This manifests itself in surprising ways. For example, you have a tendency to be especially orderly or clean. Compared to others, you may also harbor a strong rebellious streak.
Relative to others, your personality today is moderately affected by the events of your childhood. This manifests itself in surprising ways. For example, you have a tendency to be especially orderly or clean. Compared to others, you may also harbor a strong rebellious streak.
Tour the ‘real’ Italy — no packing required
In ‘La Bella Figura,’ Beppe Severgnini takes readers behind the seductive face of their idealized portrait of the country.
Hollywood has romanticized Italy in countless films. But Beppe Severgnini, author of “La Bella Figura: A Field Guide to the Italian Mind,” wants you to know that his country isn't as perfect as you might imagine. Here's an excerpt:
FRIDAY
Day One: From Malpensa to Milan
The airport, where we discover that Italians prefer exceptions to rules
Being Italian is a full-time job. We never forget who we are, and we have fun confusing anyone who is looking on.
Don't trust the quick smiles, bright eyes, and elegance of many Italians. Be wary of everyone's poise. Italy is sexy. It offers instant attention and solace. But don't take Italy at face value. Or, rather, take it at face value if you want to, but don't complain later.
One American traveler wrote, "Italy is the land of human nature." If this is true — and it certainly sounds convincing — exploring Italy is an adventure. You're going to need a map.
So you'll be staying for ten days? Here's the deal: We'll take a look at three locations on each day of your trip. They'll be classics, the sort of places that get talked about a lot, perhaps because they are so little known. We'll start with an airport, since we're here. Then I'll try to explain the rules of the road, the anarchy of the office, why people talk on trains, and the theatrical nature of hotel life. We'll sit in judgment at a restaurant and feel the sensory reassurance of a church. We'll visit Italy's televisual zoo and appreciate how important the beach is. We'll experience the solitude of the soccer stadium, and realize how crowded the bedroom feels. We'll note the vertical fixations of the apartment building, and the transverse democracy of the living room — or, rather, the eat-in kitchen.
Ten days, thirty places. We've got to start somewhere if we want to find our way into the Italian mind.
***
First of all, let's get one thing straight. Your Italy and our Italia are not the same thing. Italy is a soft drug peddled in predictable packages, such as hills in the sunset, olive groves, lemon trees, white wine, and raven-haired girls. Italia, on the other hand, is a maze. It's alluring, but complicated. In Italia, you can go round and round in circles for years. Which of course is great fun.
As they struggle to find a way out, many newcomers fall back on the views of past visitors. People like Goethe, Stendhal, Byron, and Twain always had an opinion about Italians, and couldn't wait to get home and write it down. Those authors are still quoted today, as if nothing had changed. This is not true. Some things have changed in our Italy. The problem is finding out what.
Almost all modern accounts of the country fall into one of two categories: chronicles of a love affair, or diaries of a disappointment. The former have an inferiority complex toward Italian home life, and usually feature one chapter on the importance of the family, and another on the excellence of Italian cooking. The diaries take a supercilious attitude toward Italian public life. Inevitably, there is censure of Italian corruption, and a section on the Mafia.
By and large, the chronicles of love affairs are penned by American women, who display love without interest in their descriptions of a seasonal Eden, where the weather is good and the locals are charming. The diaries of disappointment tend to be produced by British men, who show interest without love. They describe a disturbing country populated by unreliable individuals and governed by a public administration from hell.
Yet Italy is far from hellish. It's got too much style. Neither is it heaven, of course, because it's too unruly. Let's just say that Italy is an offbeat purgatory, full of proud, tormented souls each of whom is convinced he or she has a hotline to the boss. It's the kind of place that can have you fuming and then purring in the space of a hundred meters, or the course of ten minutes. Italy is the only workshop in the world that can turn out both Botticellis and Berlusconis. People who live in Italy say they want to get out, but those who do escape all want to come back.
As you will understand, this is not the sort of country that is easy to explain. Particularly when you pack a few fantasies in your baggage, and Customs lets them through.
***
Take this airport, for example. Whoever wrote that airports are nonplaces never visited Milan's Malpensa or Linate, or Rome's Fiumicino. Or, if they did pay a call, they must have been too busy avoiding people shouting into cell phones and not looking where they were going.
An airport in Italy is violently Italian. It's a zoo with air conditioning, where the animals don't bite and only the odd comment is likely to be poisonous. You have to know how to interpret the sounds and signals. Italy is a place where things are always about to happen. Generally, those things are unpredictable. For us, normality is an exception. Do you remember The Terminal? If the film had been set in Malpensa Airport, Tom Hanks wouldn't just have fallen in love with Catherine Zeta-Jones. He'd have founded a political party, promoted a referendum, opened a restaurant, and organized a farmers' market.
Look at the childlike joy on the faces of the people as they stroll into the shops. Note how inventive they are at thinking up ways to pass the time. Observe the deference to uniforms (any uniform, from passing pilots to cleaning staff). Authority has been making Italians uneasy for centuries, so we have developed an arsenal of countermeasures, from flattery to indifference, familiarity, complicity, apparent hostility, and feigned admiration. Study the emerging faces as the automatic doors of international arrivals open. They reveal an almost imperceptible hint of relief at getting past Customs. Obviously, almost all the arriving passengers have nothing to hide. It doesn't matter. There was a uniform, and now it's gone.
Note the relief giving way to affection as they retrieve their suitcases from the carousel. At the check-in desk, they weren't sure they would ever see their suitcases again, and did all they could to pass them off as hand luggage. Listen to the couples quarreling, their accusations lent extra ferocity by the embarrassment of performing in public ("Mario! You said you had the passports!"). Admire the rituals of the families coming back from holiday. These spoken exchanges — Mom wants to know where their son is; Dad shouts to the son; the son answers Dad; Dad tells Mom, who has disappeared in the meantime — are the same ones that echo in a New York hotel or a street market in London.
Malpensa encapsulates the nation. Only a naive observer would mistake this for confusion. Actually, it's performance art. It's improvisation by gifted actors. No one believes for one minute he or she is an extra. Everyone's a star, no matter how modest the part. Federico Fellini would have made a good prime minister, if he'd wanted the job. It takes an outstanding director to govern the Italians.
***
What else can you find out at an Italian airport? Well, Italians' signature quality — our passion for beauty — is in danger of becoming our number-one defect. All too often, it prevents us from choosing what is good.
Look at the cell-phone displays and the saleswomen perched on their stools. Many of them can't tell a cell phone from a remote control, but all are indisputably attractive. Do you know why the phone companies hire them instead of using skilled staff? Because that's what the public wants. People prefer good looks to good answers.
Think about it. There is a lesson to be learned. We are prepared to give up a lot for the sake of beauty, even when it doesn't come in a miniskirt. "Never judge a book by its cover" sounds like an oversimplification in Italian. We judge books by their covers, politicians by their smiles, professionals by their offices, secretaries by their posture, table lamps by their design, cars by their styling, and people by their title. It's no coincidence that one Italian in four is president of something. Look at the ads here in the airport. They're for cars, bags, and cosmetics. They don't say how good the products are. They tell us how irresistible we'll be if we buy them. As if we Italians needed that kind of reassurance.
***
If this passion for beauty stopped at saleswomen, clothes, table lamps, and automobiles, it would be no big deal. Sadly, it spills over into morality and, I repeat, induces us to confuse what is beautiful with what is good. Only in Italian does there exist an expression like fare bella figura. Think about that. It's an aesthetic judgment — it means "to make a good figure" — which is not quite the same thing as making "a good impression."
There's an elderly French lady in trouble over there. She's just collected two huge suitcases and can't find a baggage cart. If I went over and offered to help her, she'd probably accept. At that point, something curious would happen. I would split into two. While Beppe was being a Good Samaritan, Severgnini would observe the scene and offer congratulations. Beppe would then acknowledge his own compliment, and retire satisfied.
Ours is a sophisticated exhibitionism that has no need of an audience. Italians are psychologically self-sufficient. What's the problem? Well, we like nice gestures so much we prefer them to good behavior. Gestures gratify, but behaving takes an effort. Still, the sum of ten good deeds does not make a person good, just as ten sins do not necessarily add up to a sinner. Theologians distinguish between actum and habitus: a single incident is not as serious as a "habit," or "practice."
In other words, if you want to understand Italy, forget the guidebooks. Study theology.
***
An aesthetic sense that sweeps ethics aside. A formidable instinct for beauty. That's the first of our weak points. But there are others, for we are also exceptional, intelligent, sociable, flexible, and sensitive. Offsetting these are our good qualities. We are hypercritical, stay-at-homes, so conciliatory and peace-loving we seem cowardly, and so generous we look naïve. Do you see why Italians are so disconcerting? What everyone else thinks of as virtues are our weaknesses, and vice versa.
As I was saying, we are exceptional, and that's not necessarily a good thing. Surprised? Listen to this. Two hours ago, you were on an Alitalia airbus. On other occasions, you've flown American Airlines or British Airways. Did you notice how the cabin staff behaved?
The Italian flight attendant sometimes takes her job title literally — the plane flies, she just attends. But she's always pleasant, elegant, and ladylike, so much so that she can appear intimidating. I remember one flight from Milan to New York. The Alitalia attendant, an attractive brunette from Naples, was strutting up and down like a model on a catwalk thirty thousand feet above the ground. The man sitting next to me glanced at her and asked me, "Do you think I might be able to get another coffee?" "Why ask me? Ask her," I replied, nodding in the direction of the flight attendant. "How can I ask Sophia Loren for a coffee?" he whimpered. He was right. The good-looking attendant was putting on a fashion show in the sky, and no one dared to interrupt.
But then take a British flight attendant. You wouldn't mistake her for a model. She'll have very little makeup, and no jewelry. Often she is robustly built, and until recently would be sporting one of those little round hats that you only see on British cabin staff and New Jersey ice-cream vendors. Her heels are low, and her shoes are "sensible," as they say in New York. Alitalia crews wear emerald green. British Airways has improbable combinations of red, white, and blue, or a mayonnaise-cum-apricot shade that nature felt no need to invent. The British woman is attentive, though. She comes back again and again, smiling all the time. She waits until your mouth is full, swoops on you from behind, and beams "Is everything all right?"
Then something happens. Let's say you spill your coffee on your pants. At that point, the two personalities undergo an abrupt transformation that — you've guessed it — sums up the respective national characters.
The British attendant stiffens. You have deviated from the pattern; you have done something you shouldn't have. All of a sudden, her inner nanny emerges. She doesn't say she's annoyed, but she lets you know.
The attractive Italian also undergoes a change. In an emergency, her detachment disappears. At times of crisis, what emerges is her inner mom, sister, confidante, friend, and lover. She takes off her jacket and actually helps you. Weak at, if not openly irritated by, routine administration, she comes into her own in exceptional circumstances that allow her to bring her personal skills to bear. Where did the ice goddess go? She melted. In her place is a smiling woman who is trying to be helpful.
Do you think some people might be tempted to spill their coffee on purpose the next time they fly Alitalia? Could be. A gorgeous Italian is worth a minor scalding.
***
OK, let's go. Are you ready for the Italian jungle?
The highway, or the psychopathology of the stoplight
People say we're intelligent. It's true. The problem is that we want to be intelligent all the time. Foreigners' jaws drop at the incessant brainwaves, the constant flow of imagination, and the alternate bursts of perception and perfectionism. They are stunned by the fireworks display that is the Italian mind. Now, you can astound the English once an hour, the Americans every thirty minutes, and the French on the quarter-hour, but you can't amaze everyone every three minutes — it's upsetting for them. That's why in Italy rules are not obeyed as they are elsewhere. We think it's an insult to our intelligence to comply with a regulation. Obedience is boring. We want to think about it. We want to decide whether a particular law applies to our specific case. In that place, at that time.
Do you see that red light? It looks the same as any other red light anywhere in the world, but it's an Italian invention. It's not an order, as you might naively think. Nor is it a warning, as a superficial glance might suggest. It's actually an opportunity to reflect, and that reflection is hardly ever silly. Pointless, perhaps, but not silly.
When many Italians see a stoplight, their brain perceives no prohibition (Red! Stop! Do not pass!). Instead, they see a stimulus. OK, then. What kind of red is it? A pedestrian red? But it's seven in the morning. There are no pedestrians about this early. That means it's a negotiable red; it's a "not-quite-red." So we can go. Or is it a red at an intersection? What kind of intersection? You can see what's coming here, and the road is clear. So it's not a red, it's an "almost red," a "relative red." What do we do? We think about it for a bit, then we go.
And what if it's a red at a dangerous intersection with traffic you can't see arriving at high speed? What kind of question is that? We stop, of course, and wait for the green light. In Florence, where we'll be going, they have an expression: rosso pieno (full red). Rosso (red) is a bureaucratic formula, and pieno (full) is a personal comment.
Excerpted from “La Bella Figura: A Field Guide to the Italian Mind” by Beppe Severgnini. Copyright © 2006 by Beppe Severgnini.
Hollywood has romanticized Italy in countless films. But Beppe Severgnini, author of “La Bella Figura: A Field Guide to the Italian Mind,” wants you to know that his country isn't as perfect as you might imagine. Here's an excerpt:
FRIDAY
Day One: From Malpensa to Milan
The airport, where we discover that Italians prefer exceptions to rules
Being Italian is a full-time job. We never forget who we are, and we have fun confusing anyone who is looking on.
Don't trust the quick smiles, bright eyes, and elegance of many Italians. Be wary of everyone's poise. Italy is sexy. It offers instant attention and solace. But don't take Italy at face value. Or, rather, take it at face value if you want to, but don't complain later.
One American traveler wrote, "Italy is the land of human nature." If this is true — and it certainly sounds convincing — exploring Italy is an adventure. You're going to need a map.
So you'll be staying for ten days? Here's the deal: We'll take a look at three locations on each day of your trip. They'll be classics, the sort of places that get talked about a lot, perhaps because they are so little known. We'll start with an airport, since we're here. Then I'll try to explain the rules of the road, the anarchy of the office, why people talk on trains, and the theatrical nature of hotel life. We'll sit in judgment at a restaurant and feel the sensory reassurance of a church. We'll visit Italy's televisual zoo and appreciate how important the beach is. We'll experience the solitude of the soccer stadium, and realize how crowded the bedroom feels. We'll note the vertical fixations of the apartment building, and the transverse democracy of the living room — or, rather, the eat-in kitchen.
Ten days, thirty places. We've got to start somewhere if we want to find our way into the Italian mind.
***
First of all, let's get one thing straight. Your Italy and our Italia are not the same thing. Italy is a soft drug peddled in predictable packages, such as hills in the sunset, olive groves, lemon trees, white wine, and raven-haired girls. Italia, on the other hand, is a maze. It's alluring, but complicated. In Italia, you can go round and round in circles for years. Which of course is great fun.
As they struggle to find a way out, many newcomers fall back on the views of past visitors. People like Goethe, Stendhal, Byron, and Twain always had an opinion about Italians, and couldn't wait to get home and write it down. Those authors are still quoted today, as if nothing had changed. This is not true. Some things have changed in our Italy. The problem is finding out what.
Almost all modern accounts of the country fall into one of two categories: chronicles of a love affair, or diaries of a disappointment. The former have an inferiority complex toward Italian home life, and usually feature one chapter on the importance of the family, and another on the excellence of Italian cooking. The diaries take a supercilious attitude toward Italian public life. Inevitably, there is censure of Italian corruption, and a section on the Mafia.
By and large, the chronicles of love affairs are penned by American women, who display love without interest in their descriptions of a seasonal Eden, where the weather is good and the locals are charming. The diaries of disappointment tend to be produced by British men, who show interest without love. They describe a disturbing country populated by unreliable individuals and governed by a public administration from hell.
Yet Italy is far from hellish. It's got too much style. Neither is it heaven, of course, because it's too unruly. Let's just say that Italy is an offbeat purgatory, full of proud, tormented souls each of whom is convinced he or she has a hotline to the boss. It's the kind of place that can have you fuming and then purring in the space of a hundred meters, or the course of ten minutes. Italy is the only workshop in the world that can turn out both Botticellis and Berlusconis. People who live in Italy say they want to get out, but those who do escape all want to come back.
As you will understand, this is not the sort of country that is easy to explain. Particularly when you pack a few fantasies in your baggage, and Customs lets them through.
***
Take this airport, for example. Whoever wrote that airports are nonplaces never visited Milan's Malpensa or Linate, or Rome's Fiumicino. Or, if they did pay a call, they must have been too busy avoiding people shouting into cell phones and not looking where they were going.
An airport in Italy is violently Italian. It's a zoo with air conditioning, where the animals don't bite and only the odd comment is likely to be poisonous. You have to know how to interpret the sounds and signals. Italy is a place where things are always about to happen. Generally, those things are unpredictable. For us, normality is an exception. Do you remember The Terminal? If the film had been set in Malpensa Airport, Tom Hanks wouldn't just have fallen in love with Catherine Zeta-Jones. He'd have founded a political party, promoted a referendum, opened a restaurant, and organized a farmers' market.
Look at the childlike joy on the faces of the people as they stroll into the shops. Note how inventive they are at thinking up ways to pass the time. Observe the deference to uniforms (any uniform, from passing pilots to cleaning staff). Authority has been making Italians uneasy for centuries, so we have developed an arsenal of countermeasures, from flattery to indifference, familiarity, complicity, apparent hostility, and feigned admiration. Study the emerging faces as the automatic doors of international arrivals open. They reveal an almost imperceptible hint of relief at getting past Customs. Obviously, almost all the arriving passengers have nothing to hide. It doesn't matter. There was a uniform, and now it's gone.
Note the relief giving way to affection as they retrieve their suitcases from the carousel. At the check-in desk, they weren't sure they would ever see their suitcases again, and did all they could to pass them off as hand luggage. Listen to the couples quarreling, their accusations lent extra ferocity by the embarrassment of performing in public ("Mario! You said you had the passports!"). Admire the rituals of the families coming back from holiday. These spoken exchanges — Mom wants to know where their son is; Dad shouts to the son; the son answers Dad; Dad tells Mom, who has disappeared in the meantime — are the same ones that echo in a New York hotel or a street market in London.
Malpensa encapsulates the nation. Only a naive observer would mistake this for confusion. Actually, it's performance art. It's improvisation by gifted actors. No one believes for one minute he or she is an extra. Everyone's a star, no matter how modest the part. Federico Fellini would have made a good prime minister, if he'd wanted the job. It takes an outstanding director to govern the Italians.
***
What else can you find out at an Italian airport? Well, Italians' signature quality — our passion for beauty — is in danger of becoming our number-one defect. All too often, it prevents us from choosing what is good.
Look at the cell-phone displays and the saleswomen perched on their stools. Many of them can't tell a cell phone from a remote control, but all are indisputably attractive. Do you know why the phone companies hire them instead of using skilled staff? Because that's what the public wants. People prefer good looks to good answers.
Think about it. There is a lesson to be learned. We are prepared to give up a lot for the sake of beauty, even when it doesn't come in a miniskirt. "Never judge a book by its cover" sounds like an oversimplification in Italian. We judge books by their covers, politicians by their smiles, professionals by their offices, secretaries by their posture, table lamps by their design, cars by their styling, and people by their title. It's no coincidence that one Italian in four is president of something. Look at the ads here in the airport. They're for cars, bags, and cosmetics. They don't say how good the products are. They tell us how irresistible we'll be if we buy them. As if we Italians needed that kind of reassurance.
***
If this passion for beauty stopped at saleswomen, clothes, table lamps, and automobiles, it would be no big deal. Sadly, it spills over into morality and, I repeat, induces us to confuse what is beautiful with what is good. Only in Italian does there exist an expression like fare bella figura. Think about that. It's an aesthetic judgment — it means "to make a good figure" — which is not quite the same thing as making "a good impression."
There's an elderly French lady in trouble over there. She's just collected two huge suitcases and can't find a baggage cart. If I went over and offered to help her, she'd probably accept. At that point, something curious would happen. I would split into two. While Beppe was being a Good Samaritan, Severgnini would observe the scene and offer congratulations. Beppe would then acknowledge his own compliment, and retire satisfied.
Ours is a sophisticated exhibitionism that has no need of an audience. Italians are psychologically self-sufficient. What's the problem? Well, we like nice gestures so much we prefer them to good behavior. Gestures gratify, but behaving takes an effort. Still, the sum of ten good deeds does not make a person good, just as ten sins do not necessarily add up to a sinner. Theologians distinguish between actum and habitus: a single incident is not as serious as a "habit," or "practice."
In other words, if you want to understand Italy, forget the guidebooks. Study theology.
***
An aesthetic sense that sweeps ethics aside. A formidable instinct for beauty. That's the first of our weak points. But there are others, for we are also exceptional, intelligent, sociable, flexible, and sensitive. Offsetting these are our good qualities. We are hypercritical, stay-at-homes, so conciliatory and peace-loving we seem cowardly, and so generous we look naïve. Do you see why Italians are so disconcerting? What everyone else thinks of as virtues are our weaknesses, and vice versa.
As I was saying, we are exceptional, and that's not necessarily a good thing. Surprised? Listen to this. Two hours ago, you were on an Alitalia airbus. On other occasions, you've flown American Airlines or British Airways. Did you notice how the cabin staff behaved?
The Italian flight attendant sometimes takes her job title literally — the plane flies, she just attends. But she's always pleasant, elegant, and ladylike, so much so that she can appear intimidating. I remember one flight from Milan to New York. The Alitalia attendant, an attractive brunette from Naples, was strutting up and down like a model on a catwalk thirty thousand feet above the ground. The man sitting next to me glanced at her and asked me, "Do you think I might be able to get another coffee?" "Why ask me? Ask her," I replied, nodding in the direction of the flight attendant. "How can I ask Sophia Loren for a coffee?" he whimpered. He was right. The good-looking attendant was putting on a fashion show in the sky, and no one dared to interrupt.
But then take a British flight attendant. You wouldn't mistake her for a model. She'll have very little makeup, and no jewelry. Often she is robustly built, and until recently would be sporting one of those little round hats that you only see on British cabin staff and New Jersey ice-cream vendors. Her heels are low, and her shoes are "sensible," as they say in New York. Alitalia crews wear emerald green. British Airways has improbable combinations of red, white, and blue, or a mayonnaise-cum-apricot shade that nature felt no need to invent. The British woman is attentive, though. She comes back again and again, smiling all the time. She waits until your mouth is full, swoops on you from behind, and beams "Is everything all right?"
Then something happens. Let's say you spill your coffee on your pants. At that point, the two personalities undergo an abrupt transformation that — you've guessed it — sums up the respective national characters.
The British attendant stiffens. You have deviated from the pattern; you have done something you shouldn't have. All of a sudden, her inner nanny emerges. She doesn't say she's annoyed, but she lets you know.
The attractive Italian also undergoes a change. In an emergency, her detachment disappears. At times of crisis, what emerges is her inner mom, sister, confidante, friend, and lover. She takes off her jacket and actually helps you. Weak at, if not openly irritated by, routine administration, she comes into her own in exceptional circumstances that allow her to bring her personal skills to bear. Where did the ice goddess go? She melted. In her place is a smiling woman who is trying to be helpful.
Do you think some people might be tempted to spill their coffee on purpose the next time they fly Alitalia? Could be. A gorgeous Italian is worth a minor scalding.
***
OK, let's go. Are you ready for the Italian jungle?
The highway, or the psychopathology of the stoplight
People say we're intelligent. It's true. The problem is that we want to be intelligent all the time. Foreigners' jaws drop at the incessant brainwaves, the constant flow of imagination, and the alternate bursts of perception and perfectionism. They are stunned by the fireworks display that is the Italian mind. Now, you can astound the English once an hour, the Americans every thirty minutes, and the French on the quarter-hour, but you can't amaze everyone every three minutes — it's upsetting for them. That's why in Italy rules are not obeyed as they are elsewhere. We think it's an insult to our intelligence to comply with a regulation. Obedience is boring. We want to think about it. We want to decide whether a particular law applies to our specific case. In that place, at that time.
Do you see that red light? It looks the same as any other red light anywhere in the world, but it's an Italian invention. It's not an order, as you might naively think. Nor is it a warning, as a superficial glance might suggest. It's actually an opportunity to reflect, and that reflection is hardly ever silly. Pointless, perhaps, but not silly.
When many Italians see a stoplight, their brain perceives no prohibition (Red! Stop! Do not pass!). Instead, they see a stimulus. OK, then. What kind of red is it? A pedestrian red? But it's seven in the morning. There are no pedestrians about this early. That means it's a negotiable red; it's a "not-quite-red." So we can go. Or is it a red at an intersection? What kind of intersection? You can see what's coming here, and the road is clear. So it's not a red, it's an "almost red," a "relative red." What do we do? We think about it for a bit, then we go.
And what if it's a red at a dangerous intersection with traffic you can't see arriving at high speed? What kind of question is that? We stop, of course, and wait for the green light. In Florence, where we'll be going, they have an expression: rosso pieno (full red). Rosso (red) is a bureaucratic formula, and pieno (full) is a personal comment.
Excerpted from “La Bella Figura: A Field Guide to the Italian Mind” by Beppe Severgnini. Copyright © 2006 by Beppe Severgnini.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Thank God For Labor Day ( *and JT)
So JT is supposed to be in Central Park for Ellen's season opener and I can't make it cause I got school! : (
But the following week when the show airs is Labor Day and I don't have class. So thank God for Labor Day!! : ) {and JT}
Semi-True (But I am a Powerhouse)
Ah, Leos. Generous, devoted, faithful, loving, majestic. Also bossy, stuck-up, patronizing and intolerant. It's the ultimate bad-boy combo (come on, their signature is the Lion...hot), so it's no wonder we're a sucker for month's birthday boys. And the girls don't fair too badly either. It's the powerhouse sign, with center-stage stars like Madonna and our favorite wizard, Daniel Radcliffe, blowing out the candles this August. Swooning after your own Leo? Here's a tip. Roll out the red carpet, because their reputation precedes them.. Leos know how to bring out your inner wildcat - resistance is futile.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
I Call It Love
Check out Nicole Ritchie's spin on Audrey Hepburn in Lionel Ritchie's new music video for his new single I Call It Love.
Monday, August 14, 2006
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